Why Controlling Others Never Works!

In the book “Everything is Fgureoutable“, Marie Forleo says “Here’s what’s never within your control: other people and their words, actions, behavior, attitude, perspective, focus, effort, and energy”.

You also can’t control the weather, traffic, the past or the future, or what others think of us.

There are things within our control, such as:

Our attitude
The books we read
Who we spend time with
Our words and reactions
How often we exercise
What we watch on TV
Who we follow on social media
What we eat and drink
Our beliefs
How we speak to ourselves
The way we treat others
How much we smile
How much time we spend worrying
What we focus on

This thought work takes daily practice and sometimes it takes a while.

What About Manipulation?

Have you ever been a victim of someone trying to control or manipulate you?

How did it make you feel?

If you’ve suffered from another person attempting to control your life, it was probably an uncomfortable ordeal.

I’m sure many would like to control things about me, and many have tried, and in some circumstances I was quite the people pleaser!

Sadly, some let others have control because they suffer from low self-esteem or feel if they don’t do what the person says, they’ll be abandoned and have no further contact.

Controlling behavior can come from family members, friends, a spouse or even your boss.

When we require others to act in a certain way, we are controlling them.

People control others because they have expectations and want to feel better about themselves.

Being controlled by another person can lead to harmful effects such as depression, anxiety and a damaged sense of self.

Sometimes, it can leave you feeling helpless!

Are You Attempting To Control Others?

Have you ever thought to yourself, I’d be so much happier if my (fill in the blank) did something or looked a certain way?

For instance, I’d be so much happier if my friend would eat healthier or I’d feel less embarrassed if my boyfriend wore nicer clothes.

If you shared these statements with your friend or boyfriend, you would be attempting to control them.

“Folks who need to control other people make up universal rules and apply them to everybody. They don’t care what you think about their rules — you’ll be judged on your adherence to them, either way” according to Forbes.com.

I’d love it if people were kinder, communicated better, ate better, exercised more, and stopped complaining.

I can’t control others.

If you feel someone is trying to control you, take your power back, and set boundaries.

Boundaries are a way of protecting and taking care of ourselves, they are not something we create for others.

Politely say “no thank you” to activities that you have no desire to do, regardless of how you think another person will respond.

Controlling Others Causes Needless Suffering!

Other people’s actions are not for us to decide and none of our business!

Adults can do what they want, even if we disagree.

When we attempt to control others, we feel angry or frustrated when they don’t behave the way we want, and as a result, we suffer.

Whatever people do is beyond my control and it’s not about me, it’s about them.

As Byron Katie says, there are 3 types of business, your business, my business and God’s business.

Controlling others doesn’t serve us and it’s exhausting.

It’s a good idea to do some thought work and be curious as to why you have a need to control others.

Maybe you are avoiding something in your own life, or have nothing else to concentrate on.

If that’s the case, brainstorm some new ideas that create satisfaction and fulfillment:

Use your imagination to be creative, read a book, plan an event, or make some new friends.
Be productive, declutter your house, or do some gardening.
Concentrate on doing things that continuously give you joy!

It’s much simpler if we mind our own business, and concentrate on only controlling ourselves.

Do you suffer from control issues?