Rules vs. Boundaries!
Today I wanted to talk about Rules vs. Boundaries.
One definition I found to explain rules is “explicit or understood regulations or principles governing conduct within a particular activity or sphere.”
Another definition for rules I found is “an accepted principle or instruction that states the way things are or should be done, and tells you what you are allowed or are not allowed to do.”
Before I talk about boundaries that we set for ourselves, I wanted to talk about examples of rules that we don’t even think about!
Rules of the Road!
- Fasten your seatbelt
- Put gas in your car
- Red yellow and green lights
- Pull over if you see flashing lights
- Stop signs
- Speed limit
- Follow the speed limit
- Stop for pedestrians
- Follow detour signs
The rules were made for the benefit of the general public, that most of us follow automatically follow without question.
Common Rules When Out and About!
- At school there’s homework, break bells, and raising your hand
- Plane turn off your phone
- Shopping, you find the goods and pay for them
- Work rules, do the work to get a paycheck, and get there on time.
- Be quiet in church or in a library
- Put shoes on to walk or run
- At the gym, put away weights when we’re done
- Don’t park in disabled spaces unless you have a hanger
- In restaurants, you eat, pay the bill, and leave a tip
- Pay your taxes
You, of course, do not have to follow the rules. However, If you choose not to, you may suffer the consequences.
- Flushing the toilets after use
- Turn off lights, faucets, oven and tv when not in use
- Lock doors
- Bathe, wash your hair, brush your teeth
- Don’t put your finger in a light socket
- Feed and take care of your children and pets
- Clean the litter box
- Get dressed
- Knock on closed doors
- Clean up after spilling
What’s the Difference Between Rules and Boundaries?
Rules tell others what they must do.
Boundaries tell others what you are willing to do and not do.
As I’ve mentioned before, we have no control over what others do, but you do have complete control over yourself.
Other people have control over what they will do (and not do) in response to your boundary request.
PsycheCentral says that “Boundaries can help you assert what you’re OK and not OK with.
Personal boundaries in relationships are necessary because you may feel resentful and exhausted without them.
Many have found that setting boundaries improves your mental health and mood. Without limits, it’s hard to be self-aware and independent”.
Healthy Boundaries to Consider!
- Stop talking negatively about yourself, be kind to yourself like you would, a friend.
- Develop a fun morning exercise routine that you can stick to.
- Hang around sociable, like minded, positive people who raise your vibration and share your interests, and limit time with people who drain your energy
- Use empowering words like I prefer, I choose to or get to, instead of disempowering words like… I hate, I should or shouldn’t, someone made me or I have to.
- Do you things you genuinely want to do out of love, instead of resentment or anger. You are allowed to decline things you don’t want to do.
- Do your brain and body a favor and choose to eat healthy home made foods and take the time to prepare and assemble foods in advance to carry with you. You can also decide that your fast food days are behind you.
- Spend more time on things that elevate you and less time on social media.
- Use the energy you spend on controlling others, to do something nice for yourself
- Carry things with you at all time that provide comfort. I carry my sunglasses and necklace fan.
- Stop saying you’re too busy or don’t have time, if there’s something you want to do, change your priorities!
- Stop overthinking and talking about what you’re going to do, and start taking action now!
- Practice self-care by turning off the news if it’s upsetting you and keeping you anxious, worried or stuck. Same with following and responding to social media posts.
- Be kinder to others
Watch the video below!
Incorporating these new behaviors into your life takes practice, and so worth it if it creates peace.
Remember that unlike rules set for others, we set boundaries for ourselves, not for others, so we can live by our own personal values.
TOPIC: Rules vs. Boundaries!
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