Does People Pleasing Stand in Your Way?

Are you struggling through midlife, secretly suffering with resentment, anger or overwhelm? I get it, I’ve been there! One of the reasons, I experienced these emotions, is because I used to be a serious people pleaser especially in friendships!

Have you ever heard comedian, Jeff Foxworthy jokingly say “If you are resentful, you may be a people pleaser?”

Of course, it’s funny and meant as a joke, but if you’re a people pleaser, you know that it’s no joke!

What’s a People Pleaser?

A people pleaser is a person who has an emotional need to please others often at the expense of his or her own needs or desires.

I often said “yes” to things that anyone asked of me because I was afraid of not being liked, and I had no clue as to what a “boundary” was.

Putting others’ needs above my own, I committed to doing things I had no desire to do, and because I couldn’t say “no” I blamed others for making me feel angry and resentful.

Truth be told, others cannot make us feel angry, resentful or any other emotion, because we actually create our own thoughts and emotions.

We all have the power to shift our mindset and change our thoughts!

Byron Katie says, “As long as you think that the cause of your problem is “out there” – as long as you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering – the situation is hopeless. It means that you are forever in the role of victim, that you’re suffering in paradise.”

Need for External Validation!

Many of us care so much about what others think, that we forget to take care of ourselves, and we don’t show up authentically.

Again, no one can control our thoughts and emotions.

In addition, we can’t control another person’s thoughts, emotions, or actions, no matter how hard we try.

The good news is that each of us is responsible for ourselves!

When we show up as people pleasers, or attempt to control others, it causes suffering, and we end up sacrificing our own self-care.

Many times we engage in people pleasing because we don’t value our own needs and desires.

People pleasers have a need for external validation for approval and acceptance.

Are you a People Pleaser?

Here are 10 ways that you can tell:

1. Say “yes “to things you’d rather say “no” to
2. Feel guilty if you do say “no”
3. Have an overwhelmingly full calendar
4. Your home is surrounded by clutter
5. Apologize or take blame for things that aren’t your fault
6. Seek approval often
7. Have no boundaries
8. Avoid uncomfortable feelings
9. Worry about others’ opinions
10. Lose sleep over something you think you did wrong

It Takes Time!

Learning to stop people pleasing or controlling others, takes time. The first step is awareness.

Become your own best friend by putting yourself first and practicing your own self-care.

These are powerful, life-changing choices you can make daily.

By not practicing self-care, you can feel depleted with not as much to give.

Everything feels harder, overwhelming, and challenging and without self-care you’ll be less creative, less resourceful, and have fewer ideas.

Personally, I people please less often now, and practice saying “yes” only to things I genuinely want to do.

I’ve realized that trying to control others is not only impossible, it’s exhausting!

Applying this wisdom to my own life, and sharing my own stories, inspires clients to practice their own self-care!

If people pleasing is one of the obstacles that keeps you from achieving goals, you’re in the right place.

Using humor, curiosity and compassion, I encourage clients to set healthy boundaries, so they can focus on their own self-care.

Learn how to reduce stress, feel more productive, sleep better, and achieve the life you say you want.

When you stop worrying, people pleasing or attempting to control others, you can use that same energy for increasing productivity and creativity, or for building better and more meaningful friendships.

Focusing on your own wellness and self-care, creates possibilities and growth opportunities!