The Problem with Labeling People!

Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling unsettled, even though nothing dramatic happened, there were no arguments, and no unkindness was shown?

Perhaps you conversed with someone who was extremely negative, dwelling on old wounds, or using you as a place to unload their emotions.

Maybe they were opinionated, displayed a bad temper, talked nonstop, or gossiped about others for hours.

Exposing ourselves to these kind of interactions can at times make us feel uncomfortable, resentful, anxious, or unsettled with stomach issues or chest tightness.

If these scenarios sound familiar, it’s important to pay attention, especially if it becomes a habit each time you have an encounter with this person.

Based on these interactions, especially if they are repeat performances, we might judge them and label them as victims, bullies or toxic, or even worse…clinically diagnose them as narcissistic.

Labeling others might make us feel better in the moment, but truly what purpose does it serve?

Leave the Diagnosis to the Professionals!

The book “They’re Not Gaslighting You: Ditch the Therapy Speak and Stop Hunting for Red Flags in Every Relationship mentions that “no one is perfect. We’re complex beings with pasts and emotional baggage, and sometimes communicating effectively with other humans is hard. It doesn’t mean everyone’s toxic or a narcissist or bipolar or gaslighting you“.

This is what’s called “Weaponized Therapy Speak” which stops you from recognizing your areas of growth, it hurts and alienates the other person.

The book goes on to say “Instead of making perfect relationships the goal, let’s accept that everyone has emotional scars, unhelpful coping strategies, counterproductive defense mechanisms, and moments of selfishness or volatility, and this doesn’t make everyone pathological. Despite our challenges, humans are amazing creatures that form powerful, meaningful bonds with one another“.

Diagnosing people is the role of a mental health professional and a proper diagnosis can guide the right type of therapy, help track progress, and when needed, inform medication decisions.

It also allows therapists and doctors to coordinate care effectively.

We, the general public, don’t have the ability to diagnose or treat anyone, nor are we responsible for another’s mental health.

Leave the diagnosis to the professionals.

Listen to your Body!

Labeling others doesn’t change behavior or give us peace.

It keeps our attention focused on others, instead of turning inward to see how we feel inside.

Experiencing bodily sensations after conversing with another person, might indicate that there’s a mismatch.

Since we know we don’t have the power to change another person, it’s a great opportunity to focus on ourselves.

This might mean getting quiet by creating distance and / or shifting the way we connect.

If conversations are causing stress, try looking for solutions to better the situation.

Create New Memories!

Maybe instead of engaging in continuous deep conversations, change it up a little.

Make new memories by talking less and experiencing more!

Do activities like attending plays or movies, playing games, taking classes, or pursuing something creative.

You never know, this might be what’s needed to improve a strained relationship.

Being quick to label others, instead of finding solutions, rarely brings peace.

It keeps us stuck in judgment, and blocks understanding.

Why not attempt to make adjustments (distance, boundaries, different settings) without getting lost in mental labels?

Sometimes we just need to reshape relationships in a way that protects our peace.

“I think putting labels on people is just an easy way of marketing something you don’t understand” –Adam Jones

TOPIC: The Problem with Labeling People!