Ghosting in Relationships!
Feeling a little neglected because your family, friends or neighbors rarely make time for you? When people rarely make time to communicate with you, it’s a sign that you may not be a priority in their life!
A lack of consistent communication may indicate that they may not value the relationship as much as you do, or have other priorities that take precedence.
They display behaviors such as:
- Telling you how busy they are
- Not reaching out to see how you’re doing
- Not returning texts, emails or phone calls
- Make excuses and cancel social visits
Take the Hint, You’re Not on the Priority List!
Trusting your own instincts and recognizing that you’re not someone else’s priority, is key!
If loved ones rarely reach out, it might be best to follow suit and stop prioritizing our lives around those same individuals, and in the words of Maya Angelou “Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option”.
If someone consistently demonstrates a lack of effort, engagement, or availability, it’s important to acknowledge reality instead of rationalizing or justifying the behavior.
Why Hold On?
The question is, if there’s rarely any communication, why hold on?
Well, even with minimal interaction, some hold onto relationships to avoid loneliness.
Some hold on because the relationship holds sentimental value, or because of shared past experiences.
Another reason could be that maybe they want to avoid potential awkwardness if for some reason there’s a chance encounter.
Perhaps their thinking that the relationship will get better, so they hang around waiting for change.
When the obvious writing is on the wall, it might be best to face reality, and lower your expectations of the relationship ever being different.
Easier said than done, right?
We’ve heard about the term ghosting, but just what exactly is it?
I remember being at a parties where this one couple would suddenly disappear without saying goodbye.
This was ghosting!
Ghosting doesn’t just happen at parties, it also happens in friendships, families, and romantic relationships when someone either suddenly and permanently leaves your life with no explanation, or gradually distances until they’re no longer communicating.
There’s no fighting, arguing, formal goodbyes or breakups, they just disappear!
This can leave you with unanswered questions and feelings of confusion.
When you experience ghosting, it’s often because the person has their own reasons, such as differing priorities, values, interests, and lifestyles.
Everydaypower.com says that “Some people fear commitment, others fear a risk, and others may be experiencing mental health symptoms that do not allow them to be emotionally involved with another. When a person gets ghosted, they need to remember that being ghosted is not a reflection of who they are. Many times, it is the person who did the ghosting who has a limited belief system to work through”.
Yes it’s hurtful, but it’s important to recognize that silence itself communicates a message.
Practicing acceptance and letting go can be rough, and can take awhile to sort out.
It’s important to validate feelings of hurt, disappointment, and frustration, and let those feelings flow through you.
Realize that no matter how hard you try, you can’t control another’s actions.
Think about it, do you really want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you?
As the saying goes, when one door closes another opens.
Many times we discover that when people ghost us, it’s a blessing in disguise, and should’ve happened much sooner.
Fixating on your own actions that might have led to ghosting can keep you from moving on.
Seeking therapy for guidance and coping strategies could be beneficial if you’re struggling to let go.
“Some people are going to leave, but that’s not the end of your story. That’s the end of their part in your story.” — Faraaz Kaz
Use it as a Learning Experience!
What if you could reframe limited contact and ghosting situations as learning experiences to encourage personal growth?
Here are some questions to ponder, that you can journal about.
1. What Did I Learn About Relationships Based on This Experience?
Be curious about the lessons learned about the relationship, and what insights you can gain that will help you grow.
2. What Did I Learn About Myself Based on this Experience?
Be curious about the lessons learned about yourself, and what insights you can gain that will help you grow.
3. Did I Ignore Red Flags Early On?
Reflect on ways to spot red flags from the get-go, to avoid future incompatibilities.
4. How Can I Establish Better Boundaries Next Time?
Reflect on ways to communicate your needs in future relationships, by establishing healthy boundaries in future relationships.
5. How Can I Better Align with My Values?
Determine your values, and whether a new situation aligns with them, and make decisions based on those values.
6. How Can I Prioritize My Own Well-Being?
Focus on your own emotional, mental, and physical well-being, by practicing self-care. Concentrate on what make’s you happy and feel at peace.
7. Did the Relationship Energize Me or Not So Much?
If the relationship didn’t energize you, reflect on activities and finding energizing relationships that contribute positively to your life.
Create Like-Minded Connections!
This might be an excellent time to cultivate new like-minded connections, where you can avoid being sucked into relationships that don’t serve you.
It’s important to take time to reflect on past relationships, and identify recurring behaviors that may have led to incompatibility.
When meeting new people, here’s a general framework you can use to create a connection checklist:
🦋 Create a list of your values and use as a baseline to evaluate whether someone else aligns with them.
🌸 Observe whether the person engages in communication with respect, consideration, and a genuine regard for your boundaries.
🦋 Notice if their words and actions align, because inconsistent behavior can be a red flag.
🌸 Be cautious of conversations focusing on excessive negativity, constant complaining, gossiping, or a consistently pessimistic outlook on life, and watch out for those who seem to thrive on drama and unnecessary conflicts.
🦋 Evaluate their capacity to provide empathy, understanding, and emotional support when necessary, as well as their ability to foster personal growth.
🌸 Notice whether conversations show mutual interest and a willingness to listen, or if they are more self-centered.
🦋 Be aware of bullying, manipulative or controlling behavior.
🌸 Listen to your intuition. If something feels uncomfortable or off, acknowledge those feelings.
Creating a connection checklist can be a valuable tool, that will allow you to align with your values.
I used to join groups that focused on casual eating, drinking, and chatting, but these interactions often lacked the depth needed for real connections to form.
These encounters resulted in shallow relationships that didn’t meet my needs, with connections that lacked fulfillment.
Many times, I hung out with people who I had almost nothing in common with, and spent years forcing these relationships to “work”.
Once I started meeting like-minded individuals, it made life a whole lot easier.
Meaningful connections thrive when there’s a shared purpose, passion, or interest that brings people together.
Engaging in activities that provide opportunities for learning, or creating something together, can help foster more fulfilling relationships.
Incorporating genuine interests into social interactions, are less likely to result in disappointment, or future ghosting.
When people engage in activities solely for the purpose of meeting others, without a true passion for the activity itself, it may feel forced, superficial, and more difficult to connect on a deeper level.
This can lead to disappointment, as people realize that their interactions lack authenticity.
So, if your relationships aren’t what you hoped for, be open to meeting new like-minded people who share your interests and values, and invest in those who bring positivity and fulfillment to your life.
TOPIC: Limited Contact in Relationships!
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