Are you a Control Freak?

Have you ever felt the need to control either a situation or another person or been around someone like that?

If you’re not sure what controlling behavior looks like, here are a couple of examples.

Maybe you’ve been around someone who dominates a discussion, not allowing others to speak, or perhaps a roommate or spouse tries to control a strict cleaning schedule they started, with no room for negotiation.

Raise your hand if you’re a control freak, or do you know someone who is?

If you’ve ever been around a control freak, you know that their need to always be in charge makes it hard to feel comfortable, and this type of behavior can put a lot of strain on a relationship.

Potential Causes!

Where does the need to be in control come from?

“Some potential causes of controlling behavior are: low self-esteem; being micromanaged or controlled by someone else; traumatic past experiences; a need to feel in-control; or a need to feel ‘above’ someone else” according to psychotherapist Thom Kessler.

At times, people control things around them because it may give them a sense of predictability.

Very Well Health says that “Controlling people want to have control or assert power over another person. They can be intimidating, overbearing, and domineering in their efforts to get their way by manipulating others”.

When we try to dictate how someone else should behave, we undermine their individuality, which can create resentment.

Control freaks many times use the words “should” or “shouldn’t” and have unrealistic expectations, believing that they can shape someone else’s actions or beliefs according to their own preferences.

Having an awareness and truly understanding that each person is entitled to their own choices and perspectives, creates healthier connections.

Instead of focusing on what we can’t control, we can actually shift our attention inward.

Shift in Mindset!

If you’re accustomed to controlling others, or trying, changing the behavior actually requires a shift in mindset and here are some things to ponder.

Recognize your tendency to control others, and look into the underlying reasons for the behavior. Is it something from your past?
Practice letting go of the control, and understand that trying to control others is not conducive to healthy relationships.
Seek to understand others’ perspectives, recognizing that everyone has their own experiences, and challenges.
Concentrate on what you can control and focus attention on aspects of your life that you have the power to influence or change.

In her book “Everything is Figureoutable,” Marie Forleo points out that “there are many things we simply can’t control, like other people’s words, actions, attitudes, the weather, or the past”.

Here are things that we can control:
🟢 What we watch on TV or who we follow on social media.
🔵 What we eat and drink.
🟢 The books we read.
🔵 Who we spend time with.
🟢 How we react and speak.
🔵 Our exercise routine.
🟢 Our beliefs.
🔵 Self-talk and inner dialogue.
🟢 How we treat others.
🔵 The amount of time we spend worrying.
🟢 Where we direct your focus.

Create an Awareness!

It’s helpful to intentionally focus on what’s inside our circle of control and this can take a little time and effort to master.

It’s important to create an awareness about your thoughts, emotions, and actions, and determine whether you’re feeling insecure or fearful, or if you just have a need for power.

Directing attention toward what we can control, leads to greater peace of mind, productivity, and overall well-being.

So, what or who are you trying to control, and is there a better place to direct your energy?

Think about it!

Anthon St. Maarten says “Attempting to constantly control everyone and everything around you is not only exhausting…it is also futile. The only real power you can achieve in this life is being in control of yourself.”